I first need to recognize negative thoughts through the day.  I don’t think I really realize how often I have negative thoughts.  I need to have a note pad with me so I can quickly jot when and what the negative thought is. 

I then need to review this data and see patterns and themes.  Then I need to decide on replacement ideas to think about. 

I am tough on myself about my weight.  I need to remind myself that I believe that I am a Self-punisher and it will take time to work through this.  I heard a great quote I would like to replace these thoughts with. 

“The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment.  It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it.”  I as I journal I think that this is what is happening with my overeating.  I think journaling will be vital to overcoming my negative thoughts.  

journal writing

I have chosen to set up a blog to journal.  This suits me better because I can access it anywhere and anytime and it will not get lost.  I can get the blog published for $30 when ever I wish.  This is quicker than hand writing.

I am not used to journaling and it is hard to get used to remembering to do it.  I like that I have a reason to put more effort into journaling as it is also homework.  I have wanted to journal regularly but time is scarce and I seem to choose other things with my time.  It's all about priorities so I know that if I spend time journaling it will be more productive with my time than some of the other things I am doing now.

I feel like all this journaling takes up a lot of time.  I see that I am learning but it is at a sacrifice.

I have been journaling in my blog.  It is for more shallow journaling.  I see that I have caused much of my own stresses by over scheduling myself.  I just want to do lots of really great things.  6/10/10

I have been visiting with my mom about life and I think what we really have been doing is pondering life.  We have been sounding boards for eachother and have learned about life.  I don't get to do this very often, mabe once a year because life gets busy, however I see that this depth of thinking is what I am getting as I develop my journal writing skills and it is more convenient because it's when it's convenient for me.  I also see that I may have a concept that is meaningful and I'll explore it to a deeper depth as I write in my journal.

I see that I am getting better at journaling.  I quickly hop to the computer when I get an idea.  I don't view it as a project that will take lots of time.  I can quickly purge ideas for later exploring and just get it out in the journal.  I also see that if I just give myself 1 minute to jot an idea down I may start to feel it's important as I explore the idea and learn more plus desire to sacrifice my current time for the added knowledge I am exploring.

I have been reading in the book about how psychotherapy is really just forcing us to self-awareness which is what you are volentarily doing via journaling.  A great way to save money.

Assignment #1 Top 10 stressors

Cluttered House-  I tend to get destracted easily.  When my house is cluttery I get distracted easily on all the things that need attention.  I also find that when it is at it's worst and I get overwhelmed and freeze up.

Being Overwhelmed-  I like to fill my life with lots of really good things.  I do tend to fill it too full sometimes.  When I get overwhelmed I feel stressed.  This happens especially when a deadline looms near.

Being Late-  I feel unprepared and frazzled when I show up late.  I feel embarised.  I feel like I haven't done my job of being on time.  I don't feel put together or in control.

Whinny Children-  The auditory stimulus of constant sound from crying children is stressful, especially over long periods of time.  I find that if I can go out on the front porch it brings the stress level down.  This can be compounded when the house is messy and the visual stimulation is high.  If I help them get their needs met they can be less whiny.

Unexpected Emergencies-  I feel like my time is quite scarce.  I am ok when I have unexpected emergencies with extra time.  That however doesn't happen very often.  I seem to fill my time with lots of good things and don't put in much buffer time for unexpected emergencies.  When the emergencies come up and I don't have a buffer of time I get stressed out.

Picking Up After Others-  I only have a limited amount of time and I get grumpy when I find myself picking up after my family.  I feel resentful of the waste of my time where I could be using my time to do other things.  I see that this stress is good stress because it does tend to motivate me to make my children work more.  

Only Having Ugly Clothes That Fit-  Because I have a desire to get fit I tend to not buy fat clothes.  I don't want to spend money on clothes that I won't use very long because I have intentions of getting smaller.  I then have times when I go to get dressed nicely and don't have many options on clothes that make me feel pretty and confident.  I get stressed when I don't feel like I look good in my clothes.

Feeling Fat-  I have a desire to look fit.  I also want to feel good and take care of my body.  I think this is a stress because taking care of my body is a thing I SHOULD be doing as well as a thing I want to be doing.  I am reminded of what I SHOULD be doing when I feel fat and I get stressed.  I feel this way mostly when I am getting ready, and when I am shopping for clothes.

Grumpy Husband-  I feel like I don't have as much control over this stress.  I tend to rub off some of my husbands grumpy attitude onto myself if he stays grumpy too long.   I get grumpy when he is grumpy too long.  I think this takes lots of self talk and making sure I minimize his stresses to get control.  I think this is a means of me being controled by him.

Feeling Judged-  I don't like feeling judged by others.  I feel stressed because I feel like I should be doing better at all my roles.  I feel like I have different values than various people do and can't do everything everyone may expect.

exercise

I have a desire to look fit.  I also want to feel good and take care of my body.  I think this is a stress because it is a thing I SHOULD be doing as well as a thing I want to be doing.  Why am I not doing this then?  I have limited time and I guess I choose to spend my time on my children's needs, my husband's needs and other things I feel I should be doing.  Taking care of my body is something that is easily put off because "one day" of not exercising won't make a huge difference.  Exercising is a "selfish" use of my time as it is on myself.  My children seem to have unlimited needs that I seem to put before my own.  I know that when I take care of myself I am better able to take care of others, but.....  I guess I also put it off because I don't want to.  It is tough to get into shape especially after 5 children and the road with least resistance is easier to take.

I feel pressure from him to always do more household work when he asks me what I have done today.  I feel like my husband will think I am wasting my time if I spend my time exercising vs. doing household work.  This is not the case however.  I have spent a couple mornings walking my two youngest children in the mornings and my husband has said he is proud of me.  I feel suprised by this.

I feel resentful that my husband doesn't want to watch the kids while I go work out.  He wants me to work out in the early AM while they are all asleep including him.  I know they are young and it is diffacult for him to watch them.  I wish he would put forth more sacrifice for my needs to go exercise.

I felt like having this as one of my 4 stress management goals would help me to exercise better.  Turns out it is just as diffacult as it was before.  There are reasons that I haven't been working out and if the reason's are not addressed then the problem will still be there.  I think that journaling however is helping me to fix the problem as I reach inside to see what is really going on.

The exercise I did today was unloading the truck at the dump and playing duck duck goose with the kids.  Bad but typical.  Need to do better.

Not going to have much time today so I went on a walk with 5 kids.  Some is better than none.  I can see my stress is better because of walking and being outside.  Walking with 5 kids  causes some of it's own stresses.

Choosing Four Stress Management Techniques

3   Prayer-  already doing it but would be nice to go more in depth and ponder it's meaning and useage

4   Journal Writing-  I have very infrequently done this but find it very benificial

3   Time Management- could always do better, I like spontanious events thus feel restructed by a strict schedule

4   Humor Therapy-  I think this may help me to not get angy as much if I can find humor in things more often.

4   Music Therapy- would be interesting.  I find I don't put much music on as I like calm after the crazy intensity of sound when everyone is home.  I do think it could be posative for me and my family.

3   Massage Therapy- I really think this would benefit myself and family, but takes my scarce resource of TIME.  Do I have the time for this 5x per week?

5  Nutrition-  Very benificial for me!  I'm afraid of my commitment level.  Could I really be successful?  Do I honestly want to do this?

5   Physical Exercise-  Very benificial for me!  I'm afraid of my commitment level.  Could I really be successful?  Do I honestly want to do this?  Do I have the time for this?


I have rated my value of these options.  After reading and reviewing these options I think I will choose Nutrition, Physical Exercise, Journal Writing and Time Management.